I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
