you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
