i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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