Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
