Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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