Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
