He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
