I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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