Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
