On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize