i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
