i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
