just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
