is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
