Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
