a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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