My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
