wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize