So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
