I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
