she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
