Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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