if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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