Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
