He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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