I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
