I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
