She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
