The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
