As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
