I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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