with your own penis?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
