btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
