I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
