dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize