i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
