Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
