Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
