I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
