Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize