he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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