Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
