Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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