Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the day after is always just damage control
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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