He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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