Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
