My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
