oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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