Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
