Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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