tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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