I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
