It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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