Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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