i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
