Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
