He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
