I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
