Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
