You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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