...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
