This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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