Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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