so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize