I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
