In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
