I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
