It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize