God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
