I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
